I used to play Skyrim ... then I took an arrow to the knee.

But the song of the Lusty Argonian Maid is still alive in my head.

Crantius Colto is my name

My lusty Argonian maid

I've something here for you to clean

Come burnish now my blade!

I'm Lifts-Her-Tail the maid, it's true

A lusty Argonian maid

But your task is just too much, good sir,

I've never seen such a long blade!

Tut-tut, my dear, that's not what I hear,

My lusty Argonian maid

and Lady Colto's gone to Kvatch

No need for you to be afraid

Nay, I am needed elsewhere, sir,

Though your blade's so long and so hard

I'm needed to tend the instrument large

Of a sultry Argonian bard.