What is good and bad?

Fingers running through these scars

—And books. I don’t know

Journal of Victoria King

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October 18, 2026

26C, Foggy

San Francisco, USA

I can still feel the tingling numbness on my left arm as I write this log. I am left-handed but that sensation never stopped me from writing my thoughts and emotions, especially what happened exactly 4 years ago, on the day I turned 21. I had just finished my degree back then and while I enjoy solving engineering problems in this physical world, I had this strong curiosity about life and the mechanisms of the universe in general. As Nietzsche said “It is necessary to doubt everything”. With life itself being unpredictable, I dove myself into chaos theory and understanding how life blossoms at the extreme boundary of things. With this reality, what is control? What is power?

4 years ago, I pondered this question as I was walking in the city streets alone at night while reading another book by Nietzsche: ‘Beyond Good and Evil’. People find it hard to associate myself with that kind of book especially how I look. Just like the nature in life, it is often difficult to understand what one’s mind is compare to what is observed from the outside. I am introverted but I also never cared for the social norm I needed to fit in, especially when I have people like Magnus, Lexi, and Hattie who would just accept me as who I am. But I recognized that falling in love in one perspective of life means falling out of love with another. But the kind of dimensions I got myself involved in wasn’t something I’d expected. But I guess such is life.

As I continued my walk that night, a voice came into my head as I walked past a dark alley. A soft voice but an inviting one. I saw the glow at the end of it and it had a peculiar shade. It is difficult for me to recollect the events that followed after that.

Through my eyes I saw the visual of the universe through the red Mandelbrot sequenced lines that drew the field of perceptions in multiple dimensions. And the beauty of these lines knotted around my body that created the sensation that desires for more, despite submission.

That same soft voice appears often in my head since then. The curse. And it is one I fight to silence by subjecting myself through the ecstasy of bondage. My masochistic desire of being bound. The pain of these knots digging into my skin — and inside of me — reminds me of the chaotic monster I need to subdue.

I do admit, that me displaying acts of compassion with Magnus, Lexi, and Hattie, is an exercise of power through my subconscious motives. That voice whispered that these motives are clear when your physical self is lost of all control. Lost of all physical power. Then the real power shows itself: Lust

I am Victoria

And with this curse, I’m subjugated to explore the boundary of bondage — with the ropes serving the edge of my universe

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@terror2 & @nullink Here’s my monsterification contest entry. Thanks for the invite. I had fun doing this