A new spin on 20Q, but for the monster girls.

Interviewer: >

Lamia: L

> Good evening Stardust Crossing! Whether you're new around here or a long time listener, let me welcome you into the Midnight Hour, the only locally broadcasted late night show in the city. I’m your host, Johnny Rocket and to kick off tonight’s show we have another lovely guest for you to meet. Go ahead and say hello.

L: Heya~

> Oh my, such a silky smooth voice.

L: What did you expect?

> Well, you do have a very sporty appearance.

L: Hey now, I might have fangs, but I don't bite~ … much.

> Now, you’ve chosen to remain anonymous here tonight, and the alias you’ve provided is Lamy. Is that correct?

L: Yep!

> Excellent, so lets begin. For those of you listening on the radio, Lamy here, like many of our locals, has a very unique appearance. The upper body of a human, and the lower body of a snake! What's something you feel like people assume about you based on your appearance?

L: Well, a lot of people assume I’ll have trouble with stairs, but that just isn't the case. I also don't swallow my food whole.

> Are there any real inconveniences people might not know about?

L: A few, yeah. Cars are really hard. I basically can't drive and if I want to ride along I take up the entire back seat. No buses either. Or anything with limited leg room. My tail is thick and it's almost nine feet long so it only fits in so many places. I wish I could wear shoes though. I see other girls with their cute shoes and their tight jeans and I get jealous.

> Think about how much money you save though! There must be some advantages though, right?

L: I might not be able to drive, but I’m really fast on foot. Ha, on foot. Anyway, I can be really quiet too, when I want to be. No footsteps, hehe. No one can match me on sand or mud and I’m a menace at beach volleyball. When it's raining I can go even faster and never have to worry about falling. The water feels nice on my scales too.

> Do your scales require a particular beauty routine to stay so shimmery?

L: Oh you~ But yes, they do. They don't really shed, but they do dry out so I have to moisturize my tail at least once a month. More often in the summer, unless I’m at the beach all day. But the salt means more mineral baths when I get home. And, um, this might sound kinda gross but every so often the whole tail sheds and I have to spend a few days picking the dry skin flakes off. *laughs*

> Oh, that does sound rough.

L: Trying to squeeze out of the old skin layer is honestly the worst part. It's hard to do by yourself and the new scales are really sensitive for a few hours. I usually take the day off work, but my boss gets it. She sheds too. Fur, though, in her case.

> What do you do for work, Lamy?

L: Depends. I work at the beach as a lifeguard during the summer, I spend weekends at the tiki bar when they're short staffed, and I help my boss out with local deliveries in my spare time. Phoebe pays me extra when it's raining, hehe.

> You don't mind going out in the rain?

L: Not at all! It's refreshing! And it helps me slide across the concrete easier without scuffing my belly scales.

> I see. It sounds like there's a lot that goes into your daily care routine. But what do you do for fun?

L: Sunbathing, volleyball, maybe shoot some pool at a local bar.

> You ever bet?

L: Oh no, I’m not a shark. I play for fun. I could clean house, I just don't want to. Just so we're clear.

> Fair enough. What do you like to eat?

L: Eggs mostly, hehe. Or chicken. Or duck, duck is good. Lamb too. A friend of mine got me to try these… what were they, like grasshoppers, but stir fried. They're kinda good too. Like gamey shrimp.

> Grasshoppers, as in bugs?

L: I like the way they crunch.

> Well, that sounds like a lot of protein, at any rate.

L: Yeah. I read somewhere that it's because our tails are all muscle and scales and that we need tons of protein and stuff to keep those healthy, so we wind up craving it all the time. But I have to be careful, if I overeat I go into a food coma for a while.

> I see. How much is too much?

L: Hmmm… more than, like, two or three chickens at a time, I’d say.

> That is a lot!

L: Oh, sorry, did I mention that I only eat a big meal every few days? It's just constant snacking the rest of the time. The amount of quail eggs or chicken nuggets I have to keep on hand, hehe.

> Well, I’m sure the local shops are happy for your patronage. Is there anything unexpected about you that you think people should know?

L: I think a lot of people underestimate just how strong my tail is. They assume it's just for slithering around and whatnot, but it's solid muscle and it's always exercising. If I tail swipe you, even by accident, it's gonna hurt. And it can wrap around and squeeze like nobody's business.

> In short, no one should pick a fight with you.

L: Not if they enjoy having unbroken bones, hehe.

> That's all we have time for tonight, but stick around for more Midnight Hour.